Cross your heart

And ask yourself. Deep down inside, we all have an answer.

Not Impressed

I have a feeling when I saw this post on TiC, my intuition tells me that it is "inspired" by my harness post.

And I'm not very happy.

Tuber

Think I should sleep. It's been quite a while since I last slept at godly hours. (read: before 1 am) I don't like this thing that starts with letter E and ends with X-A-M. It screws everything up. My period is late by a month and friends are suspecting that I'm pregnant. And I told N that I'm asexual. And she asked what's that. I said it's like potatoes, they don't need sex to produce offsprings.

Life

I came across this journal, I call it a journal. Because it's not a blog that we flaunt about our frivolous lives or emo ramblings that I do everyday. But a journal. That records life of an old man, father of a not bad looking photographer, with his pictures in it, and the son jotting down his life, after the death of his mother or the old man's wife.

Only 42 posts, I was deeply affected and attracted by it. Whether is it the picture or the funny jokes that the old man pulled. His name was Edward.







Old man acting cute? SOLD. I have super soft spots for old people, especially old man. Not dirty old man of course but some of them just have this angelic face that I cannot help but to want to give them a hug.


And tears started to roll down when I found out that he died. There is no date or day that specifies when he died. But I could actually feel when his son Phillip wrote that he passed away. And is now in "Paris" with his mom. =( I feel like as if I'm part of their lives.


I miss my grandparents. =(

25.8°C but it feels like 24.2°C

Nothing beats an attempt/effort to sleep earlier hoping to wakeup with clearer skin. Because I was told that the skin rests from 11pm to 4am, 12am at its peak. And that sleeping at 3.41am everynight leaving the skin only having 19 minutes of rest, is not doing me very good. Dull skin, pimply, breakouts, as compared to last semesters's rosy pink skin with minimal impurities. I blame sleeping late. Forecasted to shower at late afternoon, I am glad. Days have been so humid and hot but yet not sweating frustrates me. It's like life in a ghetto cell, with a bed, a toilet and a fan. Just a fan, no air-conditioner, Oh wait there is a heater but yea just a fan. A fan father bought when he was here approximately 9 months ago. Now if only the cool weather would come back. Because I am uninspired to wear florals out on a sunny spring day, and will be wearing black and white just because I am not feeling floral-ly. Remember's yesterday's emptiness? It was filled. I fill it with half a "mooncake" which is sweetened winter melon pastry or some may call it loupohbing, half because it was mixed with sesame seed, not the crust, but the filling. It was disgusting and I ate it for the sake of filling in the emptiness but the filling was disgusting I threw it away. And continue binging on hongkong beef stew instant noodles. I surprise myself with the amount of instant shit I have in the kitchen cupboard and how spontaneous I can be in baking random things for myself. Brownies was a success, egg tarts was half success half disaster as I did not poke holes on the pastry, but the egg part was good. Cornflake cookies was a success but chocolate chip cookies were disastrous, it was burnt to almost ashes. I think I need to start looking at recipes and bake.

the purpose of this post is just to tell you that despite the love for sunny weather, I am not liking it in the room, so stuffy, and all I have is a fan. =(

Wakeup in the morning feeling like P-Diddy

Ever had this feeling, waking up from a not so good sleep, but you're so tired you just prefer to lie on the bed and let time pass. Minute by minute, though the blue skies peeking through the blinds, birds are chirping for you to get up, but it wasn't a good sleep. You refuse to wake up till you feel rejuvenated. Back aches from free lumpy pillows from Target, 180 denier sheets that exfoliates skin, what's worst is you got a cut on you ankles, which ache like a running blade through your skin. And fresh laundry hanging on the rack waiting to be folded neatly and put back into messy cupboards and be all wrinkly and crumple again like it was never before washed. But the scent, the strong scent of detergent, so strong, it puts a smile on everyone's face, because someone should make a perfume out of the scent of Dynamo, everyone would be more than pleased to smell like freshly wash laundry. But all is that leads to emptiness, not the heart and soul, but the stomach. It's calling out, like a wolf''s howl, the feeling that doesn't come often, only on special occasions, which no one could explain. What you need is a good bowl of chicken soup, or just morning binging. The emptiness is not just hunger, but you know there is something else, it's like a never ending well, without water, you know, you just know no matter what is consumed, it will never reach the end of the well.


Wakeup child. Cloudy skies awaits you.

Be Right Back, for the upteenth time.

I need my own space.

I've done enough on my part to share my life, we've spent enough time collaborating and colliding with each other's blog, shared our personal lives, shared the thoughts. opening up and pouring out. breathing and believing. all from behind the looking glass, in the safety of our comfort zones, we blog; emptying our hearts and our lives to a whole new universe of complete strangers. Because you know, I know, everyone knows that everything we've written are either copied somewhere or are inspired by someone. Yes even this very sentence is half copied and half written by myself. I'm better off to find my own space and do something about me, whether is it BOOMZ (so overused) or whatever, I will be back.


Fuck the money I'm earning from nuffnang, fuck high readership, I don't need 300000million readers, I just need ONE who reads everything and understands and will share his/her thoughts with me, and all is enough.



Thank you for you kind attention all these time and I shall rise.

Wait till you're older

They say it will all happen once you're 18. YES it did, and all it leads of getting lost and in need of more optimism to continue the journey. I am so lost.


I need someone to lead me, tell me what to do, spoonfeed me. I'm brought up like that. They say making blind decisions are always the best thing that you'll never regret but it doesn't seem to apply to this very odd example, ie. me. I need people to instruct me what to do or what not to do. Call me naive call me dumb I need orders like a soldier in the army, or like a mother bird telling the babies not to fly out of the nest to keep them safe. I am losing the urge to seek to learn to do things I am suppose to do to lead me back to happiness. The decisions that I've made doesn't seem to be right and I cannot afford to screw up. So many what ifs. What if I fail?


Will I be able to stand up again?


And because I'm afraid of being a failure (yet once again) I'm keeping all this thought and my heart in this dark, cold, secured place where it won't be given to anyone and it will be wrapped with little luxuries and little hobbies. It'll be locked in the casket of selfishness where it will change, it will not be broken, it will not be judged. It will soon become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.


Because I am like a mrs field's cookie. All crunchy and big on the outside, but it's all chewy (for what it's famous for) inside. I need to feel invulnerable again. I need to BE invulnerable, just like the gold mines in warcraft.

Organza

Because when life treats you too well, you'll realise that there are still things that you want most but you don't get it.



Exams in 2 weeks. Home in 4 weeks.



I have mixed feelings. I cannot wait to live my second life, yet at the mean time I still wanna continue my life here (but finances do not allow wtf)



I'm not ready to face the family yet. Not ready for the hot and humid weather (though it's been warming up a lot lately). And most importantly I'm not ready for exams.


I kinda screwed up one major assignment at a 30% weightage and I am seriously bothered by it. Because smiles could not hide them anymore, I am just tired. I want to stop thinking and just play unblock me on my iTouch.


Life's been uninspiring and mundane lately. Nancy just turned 21 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY HECKLE MUSTARD LOVE YOU LONG TIME). No shopping done lately (thank god) no studies done at the moment (not good) so means no material for blogging! :D Howhappy. I shall just announce the death of this blog, besides i don't care if anyone still reads. meh

Dear che-che

Because I feel extremely bad for not being there when someone needs me (yes being a little perasan here thinking many people need me but still) because that someone is whom I love, respect and wish I could be.


Reading my sister's recent post on her breakout made me teared a lot. Not just cause I wasn't there for her (blame hormones also) but also cause what she's going through now is what I have been through few years ago. Not about acne breakout but more on body image.


And because then I stopped loving myself and I hated how I look and I feel unloved by everyone and I feel as if the world loaths me and I should die immediately.


But I persevered.

Because people don't just stop loving, loving someone has no reasons to that and when u stop loving yourself, you will think to yourself what's there to love? And that is when people start to stop loving.


But one solution to that is that you'll have to start learning how to love yourself. Well this is just an alternative cause everybody loves you. Learning is a very tough process and god knows what is coming after that. But you might be surprise of what you learn to love each day, it might be how this gorgeous dress you put on that makes you look amazing, or how the arch of your brows make you look extraordinary today.



I took approximately 5 years to learn, how to appreciate every single curve and skin cell I have, and if I feel confident on how I look, people will think so too. Because when someone don't feel confident about themselves, no one will look up upon you.


Where is the sister which I look up to who's always prancing around with her beanie and shoulderpads and animal brooches? I'd like to see her again this November 18th.


When you're learning how to love yourself, don't forget I'll be here to give you guidance and lotsa loving.


I shall start writing a book on "Dummy's guide to loving yourself". :)


And when you think that you're all alone and with nothing left to love, look around, the people you walk pass, the lamp post that the dog pee on that you pass, they are for you. The little kopitiam at the roadside, the little yellow flower you see down the pavement, they are for you. And today this post I dedicate it to you.


*heart*

Teaspoon

Found this girl who's currently living in melbourne and has the most inspiring thoughts/words posted in her tumblr.


If there is one thing about tumblr, it has the prettiest images and quotes and things that people write that just keeps you wanting MORE. And u click on older posts, and continue clicking on older and older archives. Why?? I dunno... But I cannot be bothered to have a tumblr cause erm, I'm not used to it. =P

look around, you might see someone like you. someone trying to find their way; someone trying to find their place; someone trying to find their self. but then again. maybe you don’t want to look- because sometimes it’s just easier to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by.

truth;

on this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. no tears to cry. no head to hang in shame. that every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. that everyone and everything lives on inside you. that that doesn’t make any of it any less real. that soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones. that being alone means you’re free. that old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. that everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. that every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead. that you control that completely. that the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. that you laugh more than you cry. that crying is good for you. that the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too. that your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. that you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. that dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music. that the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. that no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. that what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. that the difference between a job and art is passion. that neither defines who you are. that talking to strangers is how you make friends. that bad days end but a smile can go around the world. that life contradicts itself, constantly. that that’s why it’s worth living. that the difference between pain and love is time. that love is only as real as you want it to be. that if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around. that the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you if you match it. that nothing matters up until this point. that what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. forever. that rain is beautiful. and so are you.

*melts*

Chain me up!!

This sounds damn S&M (which is my favourite game wtf with my bestie scrabble and monopoly <-- BTW I am hooked to Monopoly!! The new version is so fun it's credit card style which I like!!!!!! and I finally won once after losing 3 times ie going bankrupt yesterday)



Anyway after several chipped nails and long trip to Spotlight my new love (I went to the Frankston branch on the day I had to travel to Peninsula campus, cause it was just next to the campus, so I walked there with lotsa obstacles ie strong wind and came back in the rain with an umbrella and fear of losing my umbrella cause of the strong wind T_T)



so yeah several chipped nails and some gold jump rings


and gold chains wtf

HAHAHAHAH MR. T!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I made my first harness... :)





sorry la this picture unflattering but I'm not as fat as I look la or so I think T_T (was wearing shorts underneath I'm not that slutty -_-)


And it can be worn so many ways!!! :D:D:D::D





and yes new coloured contacts I think I look scary but what the heck it's Halloween month ya



It is such a BITCH to make lor!!!! Cause I don't have tools, I only have fingernails and scissors -_- so have to use my fingernails to pry open the jump rings and shit... -_- Then have to get the right angle to hook the chains together and it keeps tangling and the chains keep coming out


knn la T_T But alas, hardwork paid off. Me loving it and I don't have to pay 200USD for the A(r)mor ones =3




prettiest necklace in the world <3

It's been almost a year

"the best thing about Halloween is to dress as sluttily as possibly and no one has a say on it cause it's Halloween!"


then you'll get people dressing up damn sluttily... With the seams cut off and clip on again wtf


cause too small hAHAHAHAHAHAHA


and do things you don't usually do in public like making out

with Lucifer wtf


or make fun of Jesus....

who drinks beer ahahahaha

yeah i think this is my outfit shot wtf I went as a sailor how boring hahaha but at least I DIY-ed my pretty shoulder pads (which came off at the end of the night cause I didn't sew it nicely using jelujur kasar meh)



scary right!!!!! If she draws two lines under her lips she'll look like a puppet like Dead Silence *horror music playing in background*



woot my favourite Muay Thai fighter :)

and yeah what's Halloween without Playboy Bunny?


with Aviators hahahahahahaa

and HamSup Lucifer seeking for upskirts wtf





and Joker from Dark Knight ( I finally watched Dark Knight for the first time after like 2 years after it's launched hahahahaha well I think I need to rewatch it cause I was too tired and didn't catch half the things or maybe I should watch the first p
art first meh)





yeah I'm sure Nancy has been waiting for this moment to punch me T_T and my arms look extremely manly sank you.



revenge!!!


El Mariachi hahahahahaha long story on how this came by. It happened in Brisbane we saw this man working in our "hotel" who holds an oraneg guitar and plays songs by himself at the lounge every night and the boys just name him El Mariachi wtffff go wiki it AHAHAHAHAHAH Then Leon dress up as some mexican dude HAHAHAH




he win. Look at his apron, there's matching shorts too wtf with the same penis print HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA and the best thing, that guy's name is GuGu Long wtfffffffffff (nickname la wtf)

Hey there neighbour.

What not to love about today?


A really cute post from mymilktoof, a phone call from mom, sunshine after the rain, and a little bright green envelope in my mailbox. :)

Everything put a little smile on my face.


Today, I feel loved.





My first official letter written by someone that's sent to me. The other "letters" I got are either bank letters (meh) parcels(yeay) and rent (boo).



I wanted to write a wall post to the one who sent me this. but posting fail -_- So, here it goes:

Because you never fail to cheer me up. They say greeting cards are for people who cannot truly express what they wanna say or how they felt, but I say greeting cards does help in expressing one self, but it's the matter of choosing the right card to express yourself. :) With our without the imaginary neighbourhood we are still inseparable no? As long as you're online and I'm online we're in our neighbourhood already :D In the world wide web, though virtual, we can still talk gossip bitch shop and do whatever we want, there are no boundaries (except for the wall of our houses wtf). I feel less unhappy lately and this bright green envelope just cheered me up even more. The sensation of opening a letterbox with a bright green envelope sitting inside waiting to be open up, it felt really good. Because I know there is still people who care, the comfort of knowing that despite having imaginary friends neighbourhoods and millions of stars in the milky way, we're truly not alone.


Thank you bestfriend.

Wordless

New updates at Boudoir-Boudoir!

My previous post was wordless. Because they spoke not just a thousand words, but more.


I don't wanna bore you with my words, monotonous words which makes no sense to you but meant a lot to me, because you don't know what I'm thinking nor what I felt about things. So, I'll let you interpret the pictures in your own way, and let you figure what every picture tells. Because like I said, talk is cheap.



HOLY SHIT I WANT! Not the model (for the first time wtf) but the hoodie.



And I just found out that my favourite/most used bag the buckit weave one I got from Macau is actually a knockoff from MiuMiu T_T My friend thought it was Bottega Venetta T_____T It looks that good ok thats why I love it so much and it's so cheap its the best buy ever. Here is the real deal T_T


BUt the real one seems so so much more nicer and I can imagine the soft leather mmmmmmmmmm and the weave is so much nicer la mine is just like the anyaman we did back in primary school wtf -_- And hello Julia Roitfield use one ok T_T




And I've officially fell in love with Spotlight. So this is how a haberdashery is. T_T more like heavendashery wtf everything I want is there except for the chains that I'm looking for la quite fail the chains they have there but the ribbons section is SEXTION ok. T__T Damn chat nice T_T

Some shit I bought. Got more but lazy to show la. -_-


got these babies for Halloween yo! Guess what I'm going as, very boring one, overused, overrated. But cheap wtf cause I have most of the stuff already!!



curtain holder wtf Imma make it to... jengjengjeng dun wanna tell you. It's in a very pretty pastel salmon shade, not cheap per se but I like. The background is this damask mirror shadow/silhoutte thingy I printed on A4 paper and wrote the quote "Feel Amazing" to erm, persuade myself to feel amazing everyday I wakeup. :) So optimistic <3

B(it)each