Zhoi Gin La

I'll be quite sad for the next few days one of my very close friend here in Berwick ulu town is leaving, for better of course and there will be no more coffee sessions, talking about the same things and sharing random thoughts and gossips anymore till we meet again. She's like a mentor, a sister, a good friend. An "unni" to be exact. love her to bits.... =)


Something tells me that all these farewells, is to prepare me for something bigger, greater. And I don't want that day to arrive. Because I know it will hit me more than a storm, it will break me. Then I would truly know what I'm made off, because you never know what you're made off till you;re broken.

I'm dreading that day to come and all I want is just to live a normal day. Is being normal just so hard??? I feel that all these things that happened in the recent past, it tells me something. All the good things that happened, is to tell me that if I leave, at least I'm satisfied. And the bad things, is to prepare me, for the worst. If only I could shout it all out.

what do you wish for?

I've always wished for happiness. For me to be happy, my family, the world, everyone. Ever since.

People who pisses me off.

You know I don't mean to be a bitch sometimes but then, when one too many times is, TOO MANY TIMES.


Often I get, or we get people who go like "OMG I LOVE *insert item your wearing* YOU'RE WEARING WHERE DID CHU GET IT FROM".


What about an answer like "I don't wanna have the same shit as you because I prefer to be, different?"

Seriously, get over it man. Why do you want to have things that people have!? OK i do admit sometimes I have the tendency of liking something that people might like or have (OH COME ON!! What do you expect when Zara has like 20 pieces of the same design in different sizes you can't expect everyone on the streets to be dressing differently right?? What about those who "prefer" to wear plain tanks and jeans? (refuse to call them plain jane later they flame me hmmph)) BUT!! There's always a but, I wouldn't buy the same items as my friend did, why would I??? You may argue that "OH but we have different taste we match it differently blablabla"

The fact is, you're wearing the fucking same piece of clothing prolly made in India by exploited kids living in poverty or in China where your clothes are soaked in chemicals you wear long enough you get skin cancer (source?) and no I don't wanna wear the same things as you. Or at least amongst people I know. -_- that's why I was quite awkward when me and my sister almost dressed similarly with almost the same top/bottoms -_-


So, do you agree? Or disagree with me?


p/s: after writing this post, I realise I do have split personalities, when I'm not emo and slitting wrists I am bitchy! :D


p/p/s: and don't you just LOOOVEEEE the aussie sales assistants when they compliment whatever you're wearing (to encourage you to buy more things in their shop and it works everytime wtf). or maybe you don't get that very often sorrreehhhh.

Happier note

Mood swings, aren't we all like that? happy a day, sad the next. My case might be a tad more special, happy a week, sad the next, just slightly longer.

And a spider crawled to the front of my window and stood stationary. I bet it's the same one who come over every single day. Hi spi. :P


As I said on a happier note, or rather a more materialistic note, this two dresses, yay nay?? On sale, Opening Ceremony, looks like the best fit in the world, awesome material.

I'm more keen on the second one, seem more like my kinda thing lately, but not so sure about the open back.. =/ Especially Melbourne winds seem kinda crazy as of late I might find several hail stones tucked in my panties at the end of the day!! haha and the first dress, I dunno.... The colour?? Or maybe my inner slut speaking.

Hmmmmmm this pair of Alexander Wang Abbey shoes... The structure looks amaaaaaayyyyyyyy-ZING.

For a pair of leather shoes that promises comfort and brand image (wtf) it's consider cheappppp after 70% off the price tag. :D


YAYness or NAYness?

I need therapy, seriously, at the rate Australia is promoting all this labour benefits and shit, seeing a psychologist IS indeed more expensive than lavishing myself with pretty clothes. and shoes. and bags. :P

Look for the girl with the broken smile

I wanted to caption this picture "Dear wind stop blowing my bangs to a centre parting making me look like a dick", but then looking closer, I realised something else. I don't "sparkle" in my pictures anymore. =( I'm feeling insecure again. I remember when I was younger I had this thought that I'm stripped naked in front of the public and everyone can see me. Not through me but you know see me barenaked in public. I am having this feeling again, as if people could see something that I cannot see. What has become of me?? What has taken the better of me? And when I see other people being all giddy and happy around me I have this thought that I'm being laughed at, the subject of the matter that they are laughing. Am i being weird?? What is wrongggg with me???

Date/Dead lines

Been feeling pretty depress as of late. Starting this morning. Felt shitty and no pun intended diarrhea. Too much chilli and too much binging I wish I had developed an eating disorder earlier. Not that i have one now but I wish I had. What the society is portraying now, is not doing me good. I am being very honest whoever who says size is not a factor anymore since there's lotsa plus size models is all bull. urgh. I know, you know, we all know that this is just a "trend" it come, and it will go. VERY soon. So what now?? Diet plans failed, eating healthily failed. I'm going insane.

I'm not stressed or whatever, just tired perhaps? I don't know!! I'm coping with work well, not facing much problems, just procrastinating as usual. But I'm feeling like shit. What I meant that it's already week 5, and I'm lost, I'm not lost at my units that I'm doing currently, but more in LOST in life, lost is what I want to do, a decision that I have to make in the very very near future, after graduation to be exact, where I want to go. What life will bring me? A big fat question mark plastered at the Future section in my life stories now. It would be the chapter before Financials according to alphabetical order. I've stopped working, refuse to work, refuse to do something, refuse to do whatever. Not initiative, not smiling properly, all I care is my expanding wardrobe and how to make space.

H* once asked me am I happy with my life now, and have I changed since I came over to Australia or changed recently. I answered, without hesitation, yes. I have changed. A drastic change to be exact, not exactly sure when, but then again the change might have occured ever since sometime last year. And do I like the new "me" or the unknown person leading this weird life. Do I like it? Yes and No. Yes because I've always wanted to be someone different, and now this person here is more, open about things if I can put it this way. Open up in more ways. But the "me" then is this closed, insecure (still is) wandering soul. Still searching, still is, but maybe I take things more nonchalantly now. Without giving a damn, thinking a little too much. I'm still trying to make myself more, likable.

If my emotional health is to be rated in a report card, it would probably a 'D' right now. Not doing well, and it also stands for depressed.


Random: Is it deadline or dateline? I mean to not submit something on due date, you won't die right?

Pitteh ma kittehs

Just got to know that the remaining two cats living around my flat got pregnant and was sent away for the better and hopefully the best. Mixed feelings. I need to stop putting in so much emotions into something that wouldn't give me something in return. I've been giving too much without expecting anything in return. Applies to everything in life. It was foolish, I've learnt but I still repeat the same mistake. Is it really that hard to ask for something back in return for once? Just once? I hate that you're doing this to me seriously.

and the picture is not a picture of the cats that I have, the ones I have are far chubbier, and probably dirtier, but they are my kittehs. =(

Lust

I know you would probably read the title and thought "oh hey there's another superficial post the youngest hoe sister is gonna post!" it must be one of the 12384282 million things that she want and probably found a way to get it! WHEE I shall go see and comment on how she anyhow spent her parent's money and let her feel all guilty and I feel so good commenting on her bad habits but I cannot afford it as well lol haha.

Seriously, whenever I see my blog stats (very sad don't look) I think about THIS. Because all you care is about other people's frivolous lives, but not the meaning in those happenings. All you care is what people ate, what people bought, what gossips, what new shit is happening to the world. But that is all only at the surface, how well do you know ME? How many of you actually KNOW my actual age? Or whatever that I'm doing now?

Why does my life interest you so much that you return, over and over, is it cause of actually the content? Or that you're simply in search of self entertainment?


It's week 5 already. Still as lost. Still as clueless. I don't know where this is bringing me to.

Happy __________

Today I wished a friend Happy Birthday.

And told her that in no matter what she does remember that she deserves happiness.

So when you wish someone Happy Birthday, or Happy Anniversary, Or Happy Graduation, what does it mean? Why do you have to add a 'happy' before the event. Happy, is like the implication of telling you that forget the past, live the present, don't worry about the uncertain, go crazy, have a shot, just live in the moment that is happy. It might only be a state of mind, but at the very least, in that particular moment, you were, Happy.

And I'm only good at saying it, it really is quite hard to stay in that moment for long. Especially under these gloomy skies.

Laurent

Bread at the right crisps, macarons that melts on the tip of your tongue with the right amount of sweetness, icing sugar on almond that make you go back for another bite, crispy almond pieces on layers of puffy pastry, every break of the layers of the croissant, slowly melts like butter on a hot pan. Reminds me of the fact that pastry puffs made from about half a ton of butter mmmmm... Skinny Latte to kick start a rainy Sunday, cold wind with a not so warm stripey jacket and a sheer top, laughters and chatters. You know it's Melbourne.

If there's no rain there wouldn't be rainbows. :)

Happy day with happy pictures I grin whenever I thought of the last sunday I've had with my housemates minus one (cause Leon moved out).

An impromptu picnic message from Rachel saying "It's a gorgeous day today we HAVE TO GO OUT". And off we go to Wilson's Botanical Park (for Melbournians it's located like 3 minutes drive away from Berwick station, eff my life for living in the furthest of most suburbs) and came back with a very bad bug bite/allergy infection from the soil =(((( Poor leg I am still recovering from the scars from my last infection and there I have another one. -_-

Pretty pictures don't need stupid captions by me. :) They speak for themselves unless I need to tell you what kungfu I'm performing wtf WINGCHUN haha

Lots and lots of jumping, laughter, indomee, cupcake eclipse (LOVE), resetting timer (damn you D40 you cannot just set timer for 50 shots or something?), lotsa pictures of me cause I'm pretty (HAHA), my very untanned legs, very green grass, rolling down the hill, lying on the mat, putting our legs up to the sky, pretty sceneries around berwick, my Cinderella moment (2nd last pic haha), my dysfunctional relationship with nancy, awesome housemates who made me egg sandwiches cause I LIKE!. All smiles. :D

New found skill.

Never in my life would I know that (besides shopping and spending) I ACTUALLY have potential in KungFu! :D


Everybody wants kungfu fighting!!!!



Preying Mantis Fist! HAIYAK!


And our failed "tin ngoi fei sin" hahaahahahahaha (please watch forbidden city cops by Stephen Chow)

And incase you're wondering, yes I'm fully aware that my legs are very very VERY FAIR they're in need of tanning sesh and pronto!!

So here's a very miang picture of me please do not feast your eyes you might go blind

Get what I mean with the VERY FAIR legs? -_-

I had so much fun time today! From Indomee (for picnic wtf) to jumping around taking self timer shots and running around to reset timer. :D Tiring and got back with a fucking huge insect bite/allergy (think it might be the soil that I'm allergic too =/) on my feet.

I wish the weather is like this everyday. :) It never fail to put a wideeeeee smile on my face. Don't mind smiling more. :D