He doesn't want the company

Today I feel like I have the courage to just leave everything behind.

Theo

I was randomly stumbling around the world wide web and found this video of Hurts, a British duet/group. Love the song "wonderful life" and I found the lead to be insanely attractive, looks like a tortured labor in the 1920s, a little like Dicaprio in Titanic as Jack, that old victorian vibe, with all the hair brushed flat, rough tweed suit, and a slightly rusty silver hoop on the lobe. Nothing beats attractive men with great voice. Yum.

Fighting crime trying to save the world

And when they say all good things come to an end, I ended a good day with a very bad paper. Started off with cold wind on my face, and might end it with a tear.

And to those who'd like to see me fail, today's the day. Not even my favourite cartoon or a very cute lead singer serenading to me would help. And all I have now is prayer. Wishful thinking. I didn't want things to come out this way but there's no one to be put to blame.

How now?

p/s: when I disallow comments means I really don't want to hear anything. I'd appreciate it.

I've been taken over by the fear

It's the fear of taking the first step. Once you've put your best feet forward, things will start to build up. One step at a time. But the first step is always the hardest.

I guess after this Thursday things will start to fall into place. Right now I need my concentration somewhere else.

Ar(m)or

When was the last time you admitted that you did something wrong and apologised for it?

When was the last time you admitted you were afraid, insecure, anxious, sad, happy, or have feelings for something that happened, be it good or bad, fortunate or unfortunate?

Do we admit what we actually are inside? Let people know what we're made off? Or we just put on this shield that hides us away from what we are?

Aren't we all a little insecure about things, about friends, family, love, hate, people, dogs, cats. Everything. Some got over it, some have their insecurities got the better of them, some just got used to it. In my case, the latter. But some never got over it and just let it take over themselves, turning to this monster that no one recognises and to step down on others to make them feel better. But what makes them "powerful" are the insecurities in the past, that haunt them, they couldn't let loose. They want to be stronger and better, to not let something hold them back.

Will people get stronger when they are faced with more of their fears or their weaker points? They say what doens't kill you makes you stronger but how far will it take you?

What I feel now is I'm uncertain about my future. Insecure in a way.


But what do you think? Do you think that some of they people you know may have things that they wouldn't want people to know off that they're weak and hence their behaviour? Is there really something that can conquer it?

Say Hi to Fatigue

I'm losing my energy already. All these thinking and studying and celebrations and more thinking is driving me insane. Things will get better right?

EYE SEE YOU!

Everybody meet IVY. Ivy is a 1.6kg block of scotch fillet I got at a bargain of $24 from Queen Vic market :D

I remember the butcher asked: You want the big one or the small one?
I looked at Nancy for a response and I replied "big one"
Butcher stared at me in shock.

Everybody, this is...


IVY.


In comparison to a tea spoon. It is approximately 10-12inches long with a height of approx. 3-4 inches. Massive. It's a COW. without the leather damn.


The name Ivy derived from a show by Stephen Chow call Six Million Dollar Man and here's a screen shot of my favourite ah pek actor in Stephen Chow's movies. *love*


hahahha this movie cracks me up... it's about him being this spoilt brat and then later jengjeng he became a square face WTFFF hahaha


all chopped up and ready to be eaten OM NOMNOM ivy is so tender *sayangs*



Today I'm going to show you a picture of my EYE!! :D


yes it's actually my contact lens :P Which is practically my eyes cause I depend on them to see!? And being the not very hygienic/forgetful me, I.... wait for it... haven't changed it for the past 1.5-2 months. But then again I don't wear it EVERYDAY what so like, u know, i prolly wore it about 40 times wtf ok I shall stop giving excuses. I don't even know how those days thing work -_- All the wonderful things that I've seen through those lenses. That's why I took a picture of it. :)

Twas Leon's farewell dinner and we went to ye old Belgian Beer Garden over at St Kilda Rd.



Beef stew, chicken ribs (so so good!!) and pork belly (omg the crackling was literally crackling when I bit it nom). My beef stew was, quite good but was a bit meh cause too much!!


Dunno why I like this pic. :) Maybe the fact cause my face is not there WTFWTF!! Like my pearl cardi!???? :D The pearls are all falling off tho =(

And to aussies , do you always see those Greek dessert house with massive amount of sugar loaded cakes displayed on the window? I assume it's greek cause half the things look like baklava to me =p




French gateux (mine). Custard eclair that resembles a dick and tiramisu.

Verdict: ............

I think the best part of the desserts was the tea by Twinings wtf. it was, nothing fantastic though =/ cheap la but nothing fantastic. hahahaa quite bad wtf




random shots....


I'm suppose to be studying.

this post ends abruptly...


HERE.

Laxatives

I just went over to several very disturbing pages and it made me sick.

Disturbing in the sense that, it's progression blogs on their diet, to become SKINNY. Dream weight of weighing less than 100 pounds. How they're coping. It's sick. As much as I want to be thin, I don't want to be like them. =/ And then there was ANTM, with one of the models wanting to be thin but then they eliminated her sorry spoiler la, but then another contestant was clearly too fucking skinny and not so sure bout how it's hereditary when she looks like she haven't eaten. =/

What has the world become of? It's like a sign telling me that I should develop an eating disorder or something. But then what is living when you can't eat?

I bet those girls don't even know how Bak Kut Teh (for asians) or like fish and chips taste like. I pity them, deep down from my heart.

Just my luck

All I can say is wish me luck.


My day started off with a bad sleep, tired eyes. Then a leaking coffee cup didn't help, but dripping on a white tank top. It was then followed with weird stares at Chaddie (maybe cause my eyebags were horrifying) and back with a headache, maybe just tired. I was running on caffeine high or maybe adrenaline, wasn't so sure about where my energy is from.


Dinner was fantastic, I had this awesome homemade sambal made few days ago with an almost perfect fried egg. One of the 6 good things that happened was probably the Asos goodies, they fit well, and they're all pretty. :) Bebaroque tights FTW, they looked so pretty just from the packaging I want to save it for a special day. Maybe my birthday *heart*

Random thoughts, random spills. 8 days till my 1st and 2nd paper. And a 12 day break to let loose and study for the 3rd paper, and to job hunt/think about life.


All I can say is, uncertainties blinded me. I'm lost in this jungle of wilderness, a place some might call the grown up's world. I think I'm not ready yet. I'm not sure if I can handle this. The fact that I went searching for a one room apartment saddens me. =( As much as I want this chic modern apartment I call "home", with a pretty neat kitchen fully furnished already, it's just, weird. Leaving everyone, and might not have people to turn to. I might be depress even though I longed for alone time.

Wish me luck.

Left

So much was left unsaid, and then decisions were to be made. What can one do to save both situations without sacrificing both? Is there a solution? Lifetime decisions.


My parents are in the mindset thinking that I will go back to KL for good but deep down inside everyone knows how much I dislike my country (safety, government, salary etc etc the list just goes on forever) and that I want to stay here. Struggling to find jobs and I'm graduating soon gets me so so so frustrated and there is just no way out. They're discouraging me to stay on, and gut feeling once told me I wouldn't. But now I would just kill to just live in Australia. The freedom, the money, the society, the government. Almost everything. Nothing is holding me back here in Australia, no strings attached nothing. Things just get so frustrated when I'm back home. My family is there, which I know play the biggest part of my life. But it comes to this junction where it is time for me to take a turn in my life. Will things be worthy to be left behind? My family? My closest friends?


I really don't know. Wish me luck.

Just saying

Don't judge what you don't understand. No matter how I try to clarify things people will just say things they want, and so I'll stop clarifying them. Well your entitled to your own opinion but words can bo longer bring me down.

Cuppycake

REDVELVET!!!!! NOM!!!! NOM!!!! NOM!!!

Picnic in front of the state library followed by Dino's birthday party (read: Indo feast!) complete with the happiest soda in the world!! :D Soda Gembira. :):):) And followed by one too many cups of sparkling wine. Picnic was fun minus the shifting part where the sun set too quickly and resulting in shivering feets and screams. Oh and a slightly damp butt! :P Red velvet was glorious. Gado-gado salad was awesome, with PORK SATAY omg. And the corsage I stuck onto my baby (New baby ya'll =p) and i realise that the flower dropped when I got back from the cab. YES fucking stupid we thought there were disruptions and got off at Dandie and realise there weren't any disruptions and took a cab home -_- fucker that kari cheated our money by taking another route and end up paying quite a lot!!!! YES I know I'm not suppose to use that word to describe but then I AM PISSED!!! ROARR!!!! But yeah, sugar high caused by too much condensed milk and icing = angry monsta =P

and I hate forever new. 4 out of i think 8 buttons fell off my cape!! =(

Way back when

Was looking through my old photobucket pictures the day I found out Choppy passed on. And I found many many old pictures of well, ME. And I created a folder call Way Back When for which I will be posting some of the pictures of ME. Yes. They were so many old pictures that I uploaded and if I were to save them all, I need to have 5 years of free time to do so. Each album has approximately 1.5k pictures, and each account has like few albums and I have about 6 accounts wtf.






Way back when Choppy was still here, making us all happy


Way back when my brother was young and innocent and stupid. And 1 head shorter than me. :)


way back when I thought wearing vintage pyjamas were cool. Well still is, back then. haha


way back when BB first came. This is another dog that I have. Mix breed. Not Choppy grown up lol


way back when I still had my camera printed frock which I love. I cannot recall where it is now, prolly sold to one of the 3847238 sellers in STKL.


way back. way way way back when. :) Remember that was during one of our friend's surprise birthday at her place.


way back when I thought plastic was fantastic. still is, different form. I like credit cards now. Still made of plastic. :)


way back when I cut my hair short and bleached and dyed my upper top ash blonde and black underneath. T'was cool ok I am still finding ways to recreate that hair. And my hair was pretty :P


way back when I had same shades with Garfield.


way back when I saw the biggest penis in the world and when ShowPink was still here.


way back when Jinggot her first LV bag (that was 3 years ago oh my) and she had short hair! :D


way back when I met Kim when she came down to KL for visit and was afraid that is actually Swee Kam not Kim wtf


Way back when I first discovered editing my pictures to a soft hue. :) Still loving it.


way back when I put on a lot of makeup and actually looked good. I dunno what happened to my skin, it's always blotchy and oily and disgusting urgh


way back when I photoshopped my face so much it's half the actual size and also my nose heh. and my makeup again, how did I manage to do that!? In hot humid malaysian weather?


way back when the electropop thing was going on, and wayfarers making its way back. Spent RM30 on these neon green side shades from HujungShe


way back when I take pictures at only one angle lolll


oh wow. How I've changed. Hairstyle wise hahaha