Thursday, August 19, 2010

Date/Dead lines

Been feeling pretty depress as of late. Starting this morning. Felt shitty and no pun intended diarrhea. Too much chilli and too much binging I wish I had developed an eating disorder earlier. Not that i have one now but I wish I had. What the society is portraying now, is not doing me good. I am being very honest whoever who says size is not a factor anymore since there's lotsa plus size models is all bull. urgh. I know, you know, we all know that this is just a "trend" it come, and it will go. VERY soon. So what now?? Diet plans failed, eating healthily failed. I'm going insane.

I'm not stressed or whatever, just tired perhaps? I don't know!! I'm coping with work well, not facing much problems, just procrastinating as usual. But I'm feeling like shit. What I meant that it's already week 5, and I'm lost, I'm not lost at my units that I'm doing currently, but more in LOST in life, lost is what I want to do, a decision that I have to make in the very very near future, after graduation to be exact, where I want to go. What life will bring me? A big fat question mark plastered at the Future section in my life stories now. It would be the chapter before Financials according to alphabetical order. I've stopped working, refuse to work, refuse to do something, refuse to do whatever. Not initiative, not smiling properly, all I care is my expanding wardrobe and how to make space.

H* once asked me am I happy with my life now, and have I changed since I came over to Australia or changed recently. I answered, without hesitation, yes. I have changed. A drastic change to be exact, not exactly sure when, but then again the change might have occured ever since sometime last year. And do I like the new "me" or the unknown person leading this weird life. Do I like it? Yes and No. Yes because I've always wanted to be someone different, and now this person here is more, open about things if I can put it this way. Open up in more ways. But the "me" then is this closed, insecure (still is) wandering soul. Still searching, still is, but maybe I take things more nonchalantly now. Without giving a damn, thinking a little too much. I'm still trying to make myself more, likable.

If my emotional health is to be rated in a report card, it would probably a 'D' right now. Not doing well, and it also stands for depressed.

Random: Is it deadline or dateline? I mean to not submit something on due date, you won't die right?


electronicfly said...

Deadline: The date something is due.
Dateline: The line where the date is printed

mustardqueen said...

electronicfly: but why DEAD??? so inauspicious the word. T_T not like u dun hand it in u'll die, just bad consequences T_T