Prince Charle's Dog

There was once my neighbour asked if you were a labrador retriever, we said no. "he's a american cocker spaniel" complete with furry ears and a short tail.


I remember I would comb your fringe and make you look like as if you're from the Edwardian era and wanted to get you white tights. You were my proudest moment that I have a dog of a known breed and is actually cute and would play with me and wasn't afraid to lick me.

I know this day would come but not so soon when I'm not around. I only found out through jing's post and I was heartbroken. If I was given a choice I wouldn't do what I have said and done. You gave me the chance of learning what I have become. I was looking through picture of you in my photobucket and I saw all the old memories I have had when you were there, in the picture or out of the picture. Then I scrolled through the pictures till I came here to Melbourne, and I stopped.

And now I am confused. For all that I've said I wanted to stay, but looking at the pictures I didn't want to continue looking at them. I was afraid of them. For all the tears that has gone down my cheeks, this has been the worst.

Jon once said that his family refused to keep pets cause they're afraid that we might be too emotionally attached to an animal and get all sad. Like me, now. You weren't an animal or pet, you're part of family. The Hoe clan. Choppy Hoe. You would plop next to dad during dinner and wait for pork ribs, with one side of your lip bitten. Those bigger than puss in boots eyes staring at pork ribs, or chocolates.

What I was sad to hear was I wasn't there to give you your last shower I have promised, or at least before I leave to Melbourne again. As much as I get frustrated blowing dry your fur, I enjoyed it. You flick water everywhere but you would sit down when you get tired and you looked handsome after that. Smelling like a powdery baby. Head on my thighs.

Words could not put my grief together. Nothing would describe what a bad person I have been. I am sorry for saying more than I could do. I am sorry that you lost your vision when I was not around. You were blinded. We neglected you. I am not sure why but this neglection will put me to guilt, maybe you can't bear to see us neglecting you anymore. You could not bear to hear us talking about other things and not you. It was like the classic malay karangan we wrote back in primary school, Saya Seekor Anjing. The classic story line of one being neglected and thrown away. You chose to leave us. For the better.

xx,
guilty tingting.

p/s: please send this letter to the "best puppy heaven".