Saturday, November 06, 2010


I don't know why but, I'm feeling a little, not sure how to say this feeling, but abandoned.

Abandoned from family, people, everything. Life probably.

Is this the feeling why I'm always eager to leave home and just be alone all the time and have myself swear that I'm content with loneliness (heh stolen lyrics lol).

I'm not sure if I didn't make the effort to call (but I did!! A few times and it's expensive to call =( and family don't skype -_-) and I don't get any updates from anyone. Not even when beloved choppy died. =( I felt so out of place, as if I don't belong here, but here. And then for all the depressed things I said here, no one said anything, no one talked to me about anything. It's as if people often assume that I'm ok. I am afterall. Just at that one moment, I wasn't. And you thought those picture filled post were happy moments, you don't know what was going through my mind at that time. I might wished a tram drive past at that moment and run through me. I feel like, I'm finding myself more when I'm here. When I walk amongst people who are not my type (colour, race, culture everything) I feel, more me. I feel that I can express myself more when I'm around people here. I couldn't when I'm back home. Not sure why but I can't. I'm almost, often too quiet around my family (but not my sisters) no matter how much I swear to god that I'll talk about this and that I never do. I feel awkward, I wasn't brought up to be as if I'm from Queens and talk back to people and be all chirpy and happy. I'm not.

I'm still seeking for changes. I'll see how things go. Maybe when the time comes, I'll understand everything.

1 comment:

LavenderFloret said...

*hug* i get you, it's ok. but we will find a way out of this, *extra hug*