Friday, December 31, 2010

2010: Deux

I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared to get over 2010 and move onto 2011. As much as I hated this year cause there were lots and lots of unfortunate things happened, I still wish time stood by me slowly and didn't go by so quickly. =(

Not ready for the responsibilities that are yet to be installed for me, uncertain about what I want to do for the rest of my life. So many things happened. So many things out of my capabilities.

I'm finally home. I felt that I have more to do to contribute to this family than just wasting my time away, but staying in Melbourne is what I want, the lifestyle, the freedom, the ambiance. But family, they're holding me back. =(

I came back and I saw my grandma. She was sitting in front of the TV watching some nonsensical TVB drama that she didn't like but I know she was just waiting for me to come back. I asked her how she have been, and she told me she's been taking Panadol on a daily basis as a painkiller. I held back tears. Her exact words were "I take this like taking morphine, if I don't take it I cannot handle it". She's been having aching joints and have no strength to pull herself lately, it hurts a lot to hear that. I just want to be there for her, for them, give them a hand, hold their hands while they walk.

It's not that I'm heartless.

Tomorrow. =(