Friday, December 09, 2011

I am the BEST

Lengthy post ahead, more like wordy post! HAHA

2011, has been really really kind to me. YES there were the hard times, the struggle (especially with the weight issue, will go to that later) and with the competition ahead of me to me, right now, I can say that, it's been a long time, and I've been through a lot. The past year was to find strength from within, and to keep myself going.

My 21st has been one of the greatest birthdays ever so far. Better things have yet to come and I'm glad to wake up each day, to be able to have my favourite cereal with yogurt and blueberries. They say count your blessings, not the money in your pocket. It's quite true. For the longest time, I've wished to have happiness and love and money and all things superficial. But what I've been missing it, stopping for a moment, and take a look at people around me, people I've been ignoring and things I didn't notice. Those were the things that mattered most to me, and now that I've realized that? I feel so much happier. Happiness was always by my side and it's not just about having a pretty dress cling on my shoulder or a brand new bag. It was those small things like seeing your grandparents sipping on overpriced milk tea and chewing pearls (that was epic haha). Happiness is when walking into a candy store, buying M&Ms in your favourite colours, and discussing how good Garrett's popcorn is with your little brother. Happiness is when you lit a scented candle and your room smelling like chocolate after. Happiness also happens when you stop giving a fuck of what others think, let go, have a break and a cup of coffee.

I've been holding onto something that I myself not too sure what it is, and when I let it go, have a slice of cake, followed by another slice of croissant, and cups of good coffee, I feel good. For once, I am content. Yes, there are a million pairs of pretty shoes in my size waiting for me to get them, but that's not it! I now find buying runners to be pretty exciting :P

I spent most of my life caring what others think about me, but it's quite true that most of them are just curious, and very few of them actually care. I've been insecure all my life, about my looks, what if I look fat in this? What if my makeup made me look like ah kua? Will these shorts give me double takes? What if I sweep my hair this way will the hot guy notice? Screw this shit. I could be wearing the prettiest dress by Valentino and someone would still say it's ugly, what's the point?! As long as YOU feel GOOD, that is what matters most. I admit, sometimes I don't wear the most flattering piece of clothing, but come on... sometimes the cotton just feels so damn good on my skin I HAD to. Face this, no matter how successful you are or how great you are?? There will ALWAYS be people who'll try to bring you down. Maybe because they can't be where you are right now?? Or maybe because they tried to be you, and failed to be, and so they feel inferior towards your success. But if you strive so much to be someone else you're not? It defeats the purpose of living a life, you'll then live in someone's shadow. Why!? When will people understand the term "difference"?

I remember I used to give so much excuses when my mom start criticising about me gaining weight, I'll be all protective over myself and go "oh erm PMS I eat a lot of cookies" now I'm just like *glance back* ignore. My tummy is still bulging out but I believe with positive thoughts comes positive results. :) At least now I'm happy with what I'm eating and i no longer feel hungry ALL the time. I hated how I was all "starving myself" and feel miserable. Now?? When I;m hungry I'll have some toasted almonds and honey bunches of oats! :D How awesome is that? Or a piece of fruit. Such simple treats are divine. I used to be so cooped up with what I'm eating when I'm with others, If I have too little, I'll be thinking they must be thinking "that's all she's having" or if I'm having too much they'll be like "gee she never stops eating does she?" Fuck you all and your judgments. What do you know?? I work like a motherfucker at the gym and I know my body better than you. I need fool to fuel my muscles and my soul. I've been switching my workouts all over even I myself can't keep track! But one thing for sure, I'm lifting heavier and it's a good thing. Let there be muscles and guns. One day baby, I'll have that tone arms without even flexing :D And damn those instructors for pump have the best bodies!! All LEAN and MEAN!! WANT!! and will work for it! :D

Just a piece of advice, if you ever feel like giving up, think of why you held on for so long and look at how far you've came. Finish what you started, and if you're thinking of when to start?? NOW is the time. No matter what happens, just get back on track, if you've left the track and can't seem to go back on it?? Start again, it beats not starting and giving a shot. I remember reading a story about a punctured tyre. It's like your tyre punctured. Do you go ahead and replace the tyre so you can go further or you go ahead and jab the 3 other perfectly fine and running tyres? See what I mean? If there's no progress, take a halt, reconsider, try new ways and get back on it.

I give myself till... Oh wait, there's no time limit. This is a lifestyle, I bet this will be going on till I die! Screw achieving goal weights or dream body within time limits. I'm creating the best version of myself, and there will only be progress. What if I did reach say... 55kgs, and I'm not as content as I am right now?? I may have achieved my personal best today, but I'll be even BETTER tomorrow. What's my personal best?? I don't know, I'll let you know tomorrow. ;)

Geeeee, where have all these positivity been when I needed them most!!??? Perhaps I did grow up a lot this past year. 21, isn't just a number, it also represents the life I had in my years!

Be happy people, for when you're happy, you look the best. A smile is the most beautiful curve you have on you. :) And for when you're down, wear something sparkly! Be it glitter nail polish or a shiny cap, it just brightens one up (literally). :)

*sprinkles happy confetti*


Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you. Cheers and happy belated 21st birthday.


xinxin said...

my favourite post of ALL your entries. big love.

erv said...

hey babe!

really proud of you and find it inspiring :)))
'I'm creating the best version of myself, and there will only be progress. "

"Just a piece of advice, if you ever feel like giving up, think of why you held on for so long and look at how far you've came."

babe. thanks and hope u had a wonderful birthday!

can't wait to go dessert and food hunting with u soon! ^^

lots of love.

Anonymous said...

such an inspiring post! Love the positive person that you've become. Happy belated 21st babe! Here's to the new year. *cheers*


mustardqueen said...

anon: hahaha so cute why you have number 23 one!? Is it like your secret identity!! hahahahahaha anyway, THANK YOU!!! :D It's always good to have people to be happy FOR me and WITH me. :)

xin: <3 Thank u loveeee =D It takes so much for one to grow, and hey, I'm an adult now!! =P

erv: Thank you for letting me be one of your inspirations. :) Cheers me up a lot!! I did had a wonderful birthday and yess pleaseeee anyday for desserts with food lovers! <3 MISS U ERVVV!! =D

najwa: Thank you!! :) I hope all these positivity will bring some positive influence to you and people around you. :))) Smile more and be happy just because!! and thank you so much for the wish! *clings virtual champagne glass* To a happy new beginning. :)

Erv said...

Missing u too! Take care!! <3