Wednesday, April 04, 2012

You could be happy but I won't know

You know, I've been working out really hard just so I can wear a bikini more comfortably during my trip this weekend. I know that those six packs don't come easy and I won't have those 6 packs during my trip but I give it all I can. It takes so much dedication and work and good nutrition to get there, but if it's all that I can give, I'd give it a try.

It will not be easy. I mean to become lean and mean, it takes so much so be this mean green machine, and I would go for it.

If I wanted to be skinny, I'd just starve myself, after all hunger is only a feeling, I'd get used to it. I've tried it before. I've tried just surviving with tea and 2 crackers a day, I lost 2 kgs that day. But it was pure water weight.

If it were easy, I wouldn't be lifting weights till I get calluses (time to get gloves, fucking sohai never wear gloves to lift weights, now I dunno how to remove calluses and skin is peeling -_-). If it were easy, I wouldn't be screaming inside with pain while doing leg curls and squats, screaming my lungs off while kicking.

This body is given to me for a reason, and I'd cherish it, feed it with good nutrition. I may slip off some times, but moderation is key. I just had one of the most satisfying indian food for dinner, and I felt nothing but great! I wasn't filled to the brim, it was just really satisfying to have this buttery smooth spinach thingy with barotta (like canai but more crumbly, and just yummy lol). Had this crazy amazing chocolate volcano on Sunday and I felt a sense of calm in me even though it was orgasmic wtf. Maybe that was what happiness feels like.

I may have broader shoulders than most, but these shoulders, they are built to carry heavier responsibilities, greater duties and tougher situations. Because I just know that I deserve more and I will only become stronger.

We all deserve what is best for us, and if you don't work for it, you will never know what's the best that you deserve.

ps: I'm having kinda a hard time right now (don't I always? just some positive words to keep myself up, don't get to beat up, I'm a fighter I'm a soldier)

pps: I've been taking progress pictures of myself. I'm starting to see changes, though very slight, but I'm happy. It's not about the inches or weight that I'm losing (I don't take measurements cause I'm a coward I don't wanna find out if I have a 50 inch waist or whatsoever, neither I have stepped on a weighing scale for the past 3 months, I should go on it one of these days just for some reassurance). It's call self acceptance. I'm embracing my precious food baby (for which I hope it'll go smaller each day) and stretch marks? Pffft... I'll just go tan myself till I can't see them :P

ppps: I'm doing these eat as much vegetables and fruits a day thing. Been drinking carrot juice and I think my palms are turning slightly orange -_-


Lyn said...

"I may have broader shoulders than most, but these shoulders, they are built to carry heavier responsibilities, greater duties and tougher situations. Because I just know that I deserve more and I will only become stronger.

We all deserve what is best for us, and if you don't work for it, you will never know what's the best that you deserve."

I love this :)

bs said...

I have broad shoulders too lol which I'm ok with, but it meant I couldn't fit into S sizes or even free sizes wtf. I'm not petite, or fun sized as some may call it, and I've kinda learned to accept that LOL. Let's face it, it's not like I can shave off my shoulder bones or ribcage or ath a la real life Photoshop??

mustardqueen said...

lyn: :) Everyone deserves happiness, we just have them in different ways, it could be a chocolate lava cake (OMG) or just a hug from a close friend. :) *hugs*

bs: omg... are you like my soulmate or what I always tell ppl that I'm born like this, my shoulders are broad and the only thing I can do is shave em off for which is extremely absurd! HAHAHAHA I'm fine with wearing a UK12 top so what! :D I'd rather accept what I have than to live in denial with what I don't have! CHIN UP! *fistbump*

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say, your blog post motivated me to go to the gym last evening.
I dread gyming. Just the thought of it frightens me - I hate cardio, the pain in weight lifting & circuits.. wanted to skip gym but after reading your post, I was motivated to go again. Yay!

UK12 said...

Hey just wanted to say be strong! And that you've been an inspiration :) Never had the guts to go to the gym (with all those gym bunnies hopping around) but now I have. Baby steps...
Much love, fellow UK12

mustardqueen said...

anon: this meant so much to me. For me it's not about how I can motivate ppl to go the the gym and pay buckets of money for gym sessions, but the initiative to make a change. :) We're all in this together and if you have fear, it means you will become stronger for you will conquer this fear one day and grow. :) It's a sign of battling for yourself. :) Run like you're being chased by zombies, lift like the sky is falling on you. You go girl!!

UK12: :D Stronger than ever!!! :D Lifting heavy so I'll grow stronger and stronger. Thanks for making me your inspiration but you know what?? Don't be intimidated by these gym bunnies for they might be looking at you like you're their inspiration ;) One step at a time. :D

Anonymous said...

i love you
:) ur like imaginary weight loss buddy


mustardqueen said...

H: WHY IMAGINARY!? I'm like real, 3D, flesh meat muscles and fats ok! hahahahah or if u mean like online weight loss buddy then yea. :D

Anonymous said...

I am way shorter than you but also wearing between UK Size 10 to Size 12! Hahaha...

ButterflyAngel said...

ur my best food buddy to makan with cos the hubby wont like to go so atas places. LOL. i send you all my love from england when i go back on wednesday. wait for my return bestie. xoxo.

Anonymous said...

how tall are you anyway?

mustardqueen said...

anon: hahaha embrace em curves... as long as you're proportionate you'll look good at any size =p

jean: :D:D:D EAT ALL THE CAKES!!! hahahaha faster come back again we go makan =D

anon: 172cm. Not the tallest but taller than most ha!

Anonymous said...

the air up there must be good, lol
always wanted to be 170+ but the 5cm never came :(

mustardqueen said...

anon: HAHAHAAHAHAHAH UR DAMN FUNNY!!! not really I always smell ppl's head and erm... well, everyone is just shorter than me fml even guys. le sighhhh

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