Tuesday, January 29, 2013


some more recent images from my Instagram 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I feel that 2012 went past in a blip and poof it's 2013 already. I've found new ways to make me happy just because I can!! 22 is just an age and I'm glad that all that has happened, happened. I always believe things happen for a reason, we grow from experiences and we learn from them.

2012 is also the year I got my tattoo, finally. It signifies Changes and I took a leap of faith and decided to change for the better, change when there is a chance. I still remember writing about the reason I wanna get it is cause of this one episode of Grey's that I watched (I don't follow the show, just that one episode caught my attention).

"When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again."

I've said it over and over again, reminding myself that, what I see is always "constant" but actually I am morphing into something. Something that was carved by time (boo, aging), experience, great food, and love. I'd try to call sorrows experiences as they are sad things that we'd wish that never happened. But they did, You cannot change the past, so you change to adapt, to accept.

And I've learnt so much about self love. They say death is painful and hard, you know what's harder?? Living. If I want life to be easy I could have killed myself if I want to. But I did not. Because all these challenges that I want to overcome myself, things I have yet to see, things I have yet to feel. I want to experience all these. To be able to breath and live is such a blessing and there should be less hate in this world, less negativity. I'm trying everyday to stay as positive as I can be and it's hard, but I'll give it a go.

In 2013, I want to be more forgiving, less angry, be more courageus (my tattoo also has a hidden meaning of courage) and love more. I've done the first one by forgiving someone which I thought I could never ever do, but I did. Some may call it foolish, but holding grudges is an act that fools act upon. It's hard to hate on someone, you count on the things they have done to you, reminding you everyday that you've been hurt. To be able to forgive is the first step to forgetting. After all, memories cannot be undone, what can be done, is to create better memories.

I want to take up new things, learn a new skill. Maybe knitting!!! I've got so many things that I want to do. I recently went white water rafting and I loved it. Nature and excitement, rowing down the not so gentle stream, it's a relief to my usual routines. Another one coming up and I'm more than excited :) Meeting new people, making new friends, listening to more stories, life is looking up.

See? When you start to love yourself a little more, you think better thoughts, it shows in your face (but the fact that I have perpetual bitch face is just... well, i cannot help it haha). Love yourself a little more today. :)

Who cares if I look like a toaster? I'd be one cool-ass toaster if I want to. :)


ms.bulat said...

beautiful & inspiring post :) looking fwd to more haha

Anonymous said...

it's good to hear that you're a happier person :>

i think forgiving is the hardest part though i know the mechanism of moving on and be happier in live, i'm still struggling the forgiving part myself.

p/s: glad to see your update

mustardqueen said...

ms bulat: Thank you!! well it won't be my last for sure. ;)

anon: I mean I wasn't the best person to be at the first place but at least I try to be. Life's got much more to offer. :) THere will be a point of time when you realize that forgiving means letting the bad past go, in order to welcome new things in, new people into your life. One step at a time, be it baby steps. It takes time, but it will definitely be worth it. The journey is what matters. :) I hope to hear from you soon that you're able to forgive and forget. But then again, forgetting may not be a good thing, I still want the good memories to be part of me. All the best anon.

Anonymous said...

babe show us your tatt!

Tina said...

Aa-ha! Finally...