Thursday, February 25, 2010

Fooling your mind

Oh shit I didn't know that Reductil is banned in Australia I just took some leftover from KL and brought over. kuakuakua Means I possess off illegal drugs!!! (!!!!)

Anyway, maybe too much of Sibutramine (only 10mg what and I don't think I'm obese?) so I don't think I'll die of heart attack blablabla since there's only like 2 weeks plus dose left.

Maybe too much of mind fucking let me to thinking maybe my life is like, a conspiracy.

Actually people who are treating me nice are all bad people and they secretly want me to die. I no longer know who to trust, how to make me to trust, or how to make people trust me or who is worthy of my trust. It's just so confusing. And all the insults I got is actually to trigger the mind fucking caused by the medicine and will lead me to suicide so it's indirect murder they won't get charged. omg. I am thinking too much.

And like whenever my mom told me that your parents will forever be your bestfriend, it's somehow right cause my siblings will one day have their family and all, then if I am all alone then that's all I'm left with?

I don't like this feeling of, feeling insecure. =( It's like I have to hide in everything and be someone I am not. Maybe all this while, my entire life has been like that because all I do is hide hide hide and not tell. Cause my parents are not there when I need them, and when they are here, the problem is either solved, forgotten, or just hidden somewhere deep inside I prefer not to mention. Well more of the latter. And at those time who am I to turn to? Who am I to trust who to tell and what to tell and what to keep? And once it's kept, it'll never be forgiven nor forgotten, and then it'll slowly devour me.

And you are wondering why I'm like this.