Sunday, April 18, 2010


I have been a very very bad girl. I remember telling myself that I will do a one day vegetarian every week and it's already been April and I have not stuck to any of my non-existent resolutions yet. =(

Got some bad news back home that left me worried sick, plus my runny nose ain't helping a lot either. I hate feeling so helpless I just want to throw out all my savings and just buy a one way ticket home just to make sure everything is fine. I always have thoughts telling myself that whenever I am around, things will surely stand by my side, but now that I'm not at home, things always doesn't seem to be going too well. =( And then I'm left here stranded, not knowing what to do but shed useless tears that wouldn't solve problems. And then when I face a problem here, I had the guts and will to strive to solve the problem, and when it's over, another problem came up. Then I'm stronger once again to face new challenges.

But life is life, I'm left feeling helpless yet again, without the ratification from someone to tell me "everything will be fine, everything is okay". I think, he thought, who confirm? Who can tell me that things will be fine one day? And when will that one day come? Uncertainties. Who can certainly tell me that it's okay to be selfish, it's okay to not care about things?

I hope the brightest hour comes sooner, a new dawn, a new day, just so I can start doing something that may not help but to ease my guilt, serving as a sacrifice for the blessing that I hope I'd get, as uncertain as it gets as I know my prayers are not always answered (in a guan yin ma way) but at least I've done my best, and praying, just to add a confirmation that at least when I tried my best, it'll turn out to be okay. Not perfect, but just okay.

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