Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The D word

As you allllll know that I'm currently on a diet and it is just so so so so hard to stick on a diet. There will be the "occasional" cham si ping (a mix of coffee and tea with ice) at the local kopitiam and maybe a set of toast or two, with butter. and kaya. KILL ME.

My 2011 resolution, main main resolution is to lose weight. No matter what it takes.

Be it only eating a cracker and loads of water a day (it works best but it's so bad for my health and metabolism, I lost like 3 kgs in like what, 3 days wtf) or that I eat medicine to eliminate oil or take laxatives. I said I would do anything.

To be honest, I have been following loads of weight loss blogs on tumblr and it feels, I don't know, such great power, rushing in my veins, when I see pictures of thin and pretty people. Following thinspo blogs, to get thinspiration of course. I don't want to be hungry-thin, I just want to lose weight. Just 15 more kgs to go and I will be happy as a smiley face. Wait, make that 14 :D

And reading tips from those health sites did enlighten me a little that, eating healthily is so important, so I stopped the minimal food and water thing. I'm having fruits and cereals and yogurts plus poultry for mains. It feels nice when you're eating veggies and not calorie loaded food. Did you know that for every pound you want to lose, you need to burn 3500 calories? I'm feeling very puzzled cause when I was at the gym in Australia, 30 minutes on the cross trainer burned about 4-500 calories depending on how vigorous I worked. But when I'm in Malaysia?? I probably only burnt like 200 calories and I am pretty sure I worked the same amount and sweat more due to the humidity and cause the gym very kiam sap didn't wanna turn up the air con. -_-

But at least I'm moving. Hopefully forward.

Back to the 1 pound 3500 calories. That means I will need to burn... 105,000 calories. That is, conservatively speaking, 525 30 minutes session on the cross trainer. Also means attending 175 1 hour sessions of Body Combat (also equivalent 175 sessions of gang rape wtf according to Wen cause body combat classes are super intense T_T).

Oh god, help me. T_T

to know that in order to burn of a piece of cake I'll need to run for an hour. How am I going to live with this?


Motivation. I've started mine already, have you?

For once, I want to do this so badly. Not for anyone, but for myself. For the first time I'm feeling empowered to do something for myself, by myself. And when I finally attain my goal, I will not only have a healthier body, mentally and physically, but also, what I have gained is confidence, self control and fulfillment. Something that money can't buy, it will not be comparable to buying a pretty pair of shoes or shopping. I want to be able to feel that. I want to have control over myself. I don't want to be the odd one out, be it in my family or among my friends, the fat one. I am sick and tired of people calling me names. I'm easily offended and when your own mother tells you that "oh you gained weight" or something demotivating, do you know how much it hurts? Or when someone is complaining about someone on a diet counting calories and that you never had to, do you know how it feels to be fat?? Having an extra burden when you walk?? It IS harder to exercise, it is very tiring, it takes more effort.

And I hope that you respect what we are going through. We don't need any more demotivating words. Enough is enough. I'm speaking for all others who are in this together.


Thistle Trinkets said...

I know what you mean by mother saying gain weight. And not only you gain weight but You are fat. And constantly drumming into you that you are that and boasting that she is last than 100 pounds on her wedding day!... I am sad and angry and pissed off all the same. (My mom is also on the bigger side - so i get to throw back some sarcastic remark on her) of course it doesn't make it better.

Whats with the demotivating words - cant they give positive encouragement. Reverse psychology doesnt work every time!!

I am happy you have the guts to spill it all out and I know you can do it! It is true that eating healthy is just as important as exercise. You will need to be healthy inside out!

Lets work towards our goal!!

Anonymous said...

What you've said resonates in my mind as its the exact thing I'm going through.

So i started my plan yesterday. I am determined that with my motivation, iphone apps and a goal in mind, I will be able to reach my ideal weight. I've put it off far too long now..

Best of luck to all of us. This is to hoping that sometime in the near future, we'd be dressed up to the nines in pride, showing off our sexy bodies that we have worked so hard for :) xx

revel in me said...

Nutritionist!! You better work your magic on me ok! If I don't lose weight in 1 month, I want my money back WTF.

Anonymous said...

You go girl! I love how honest you are and the second quote is so TRUE! Keep it up! You can do it!

revel in me said...

And gang rape is body ATTACK, not combat! :P

mustardqueen said...

thistle trinket: I KNOW RIGHT!! But sometimes I know it is for my own good la. but I love it when she gives me compliment cause I can see the sparkle in her eye wtf :P they know reverse psychology won't work on me so now they tell me you will be very pretty when you lose weight wtf but I like that hehehehe :P Out with the bad habits, bring on the healthy life I say =))

anon1: You go girl/boy cause your anon I dunno ur sex wtf but YES! :D It's always good to kick start, then you will slowly and surely move forward towards a new you. :) All in this together, I've got your back =)

RIM: FAIL LA YOU curry laksa wtf and hahah my bad I think I don't have the strength to fight back if someone were to rob me after body attack class wtf -_-

anon2: i feel that in order to start a much healthier life, I need to come clean, rid it all, if not I won't be able to do it. :) Thank you for your support =))

Anonymous said...

Well said. Sometimes the ones we love the most don't realise how big an impact their words can be on our self esteem.

Good on you for making this decision, for taking the "right" way to achieve what you want.

Good luck and all the best :) :)

mustardqueen said...

anon: yeap! But I do believe it's for our own's best? I try to make it seem like that if not I would have done unspeakable things to myself already haha :) And thank you!!! =D

xin said...

dropping in to say you're not forgotten and i look forward to hearing your 2011 weight loss success stories :D xoxo