Wednesday, August 31, 2011


I find it hard to be positive as of lately. I used to be this "inspiration" to quite a number of people by giving positive talks and all optimism but I seem to have misplaced it somewhere. And then there are those who have the full unnecessary intention to bring me down but I don't give two hoots. Then there are those who told me to just keep your head up high, things will fall into place if you stop caring so much. The more you care, the less happy you'll be. Quite true. And then now I've decided that I'm going to be happy and positive because it's good for my health. Vice versa if I'm healthy I'll be happy*.

You see, when I told myself at the first second of year 2011, I will CHANGE **. I wanted changes. A breakthrough. Something different. Not just physically but also emotionally/mentally. So I started by changing myself. Then I started to see some changes. People's attitude towards me changed as well (or maybe they have changed who knows?), I try to be more "approachable" but that only applies to new people/strangers that I've met. Part of me (mostly) is still this shy/awkward person.

Maybe this year is about me finding strength within myself and not looking to others for it. Maybe this year is about me finding myself, discovering my weaknesses, my capabilities, my future. I'm turning 21 this year ***. It may have only took me several minutes of realization to discover what I want in life, but the past has taught me so much in discovering myself. Maybe the change that I was hoping for is to breakaway from my past. Maybe this change is not to change who I am, but the direction of life that I'm heading to. As confused as this may sound, I have no clear pictures or ideas of where all of this leads to. But this is the beauty of life, no one can tell me what lies ahead. One single wrong turn may lead you to another road that may have better opportunities or maybe a dead end. It is never too late to turn back.

Happiness is a mood and not a destination. If you want to be happy, BE ****.

* this is from a girl who just had roti pisang with condensed milk for supper the previous night, this statement may or may not be true. Statement partly true cause girl mentioned above is extremely satisfied with her buttery roti pisang drizzled with condensed milk.

** The exact statement was actually "I will lose weight/get thin no matter what it takes". Keyword: no matter what.

*** Stop giving me the "WHAT? You're only 21?" "You look mature" bullshit. YES I know I need to stock up on facial lifting cream thanks.

**** Examples of activities includes: Eating, shopping, watching a good show, watching cute little puppies roll around, put your knees close to your chest wrap your arms around it and roll around like a fool, looking at cute babies laughing.

p/s: this is just a self reminder note thing to myself to remind me why I held on for so long.
p/p/s: I have some major news to announce soon.


Julia said...

Good post! Thanks for the simple but very important reminder- to just stay happy. Was feeling upset but your post reminded me tat being happy is a choice we make, not given.

Anonymous said...

Is the major news u got into masterchef final?? :)

mustardqueen said...

julia: yes! even if you're given a choice I'm sure you would prefer to be happy than sad right!? and happiness is given when you feel that you want to be happy or just BE HAPPY! haha :)

anon: Nope. something else.