Monday, November 07, 2011

I'm Out.

If news haven't traveled fast enough, maybe because you don't stalk me enough! The truth is, I'm eliminated from Masterchef Malaysia. So soon right?? I thought so too.

To be very very honest, it came to me as a surprise, such a big tight slap that this is all real. I'm eliminated. I did not expect myself to be out this early of the competition but just my luck (and my abilities to cook laksa HAHA). I mean I never thought that I will be out this early because you know, I might have overestimated my own abilities, and then a bowl of Laksa threw me out, just like that.

The scariest part was taste test. Never in my wildest imaginations that I thought I'll go into a taste test. Watching the Australian Masterchef is bad enough, try going through one. More so a bowl of laksa, I mean the only thing I know is Assam Laksa from penang and they have asam, and there's actually more than one kind of asam (what!?). When they revealed that there were 27 ingredients, I thought it might be Rendang or maybe Lemak or some other traditional dishes. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT LAKSA HAS 27 INGREDIENTS!?

I mean a logic person would name what they see first right? And stupidly, without trying (yes I was nervous, I forgotten to try...) and I answered yellow noodles. And guess what!? No yellow noodles, the noodles were actually spaghetti.


FEELING ONLY LA LAKSA!!!! I don't know much about Malaysian food apart from the usual nasi lemak, rendang, satay, laksa and the common ones like bak kut teh wtf but who would have thought there's different kinds of laksa in different states, and different methods of cooking!!!

And I still remember the moment we were called back to the kitchen. The moment I open the door, I see the stoves setup. Fuck. I didn't know we were suppose to be cooking in the 2nd round... Ok fine... And the best part was recipes weren't given. Maybe the God of Lucks weren't by my side (Where are you when I need you huh?!) and I just went with what I know. Saute blended ingredients (I think I blended lemongrass, galanghal, ginger, garlic, onions) based on the "agak-agak" ratio. And really la my first attempt in Malaysian cooking, I didn't know that you're suppose to pour in a lot of oil to "saute" the blended ingredients, that's more like deep frying can T_T I mean all this "diet" thing has taught me to not use so much oil so I just put my definition of a lot of oil. but no, apparently you need a lot more because soon after that mine was a little burnt =/

And god I want to kill myself for not removing the bones, my fault cause I was short of time, my spaghetti wasn't cooked through and through but I was just crossing my fingers and toes that it'll cook through in the hot soup (for which not much) and thank god it was sort of al dente according to the judges. And yes, it was an offset rivalry between me and spaghetti after that :P:P

I did read a lot of comments saying that it is unfair for a chinese to cook Laksa in such short time (45 minutes challenge) and that Imelda has an advantage over me because she's used to cooking malay food. I think this is a competition and I should have done my homework beforehand, this is not so much about equality or fairness, I can only put the fault in myself. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and my forte is in making desserts and maybe a little bit of the contemporary dining side, but when it comes to traditional cooking, maybe it's more on Imelda's strength. Fair no? I understand the show is call "Masterchef Malaysia". I have to know all sorts of cooking but in my opinion, cooking should be based on what you're most passionate about, I don't wanna be a jack of all trades and master of none. That's why they have different chefs in a restaurant, pastry chef, pantry chef, vegetable chef, fry chef. They do what they are best at, specialising in what they love.

The night before the challenge was really emotional for me because I did not expect myself to be in the bottom 3. I did get negative comments from the judges and my stupid fish crackling (yeay I made fish crackling) was too salty cause I added too much salt in the hopes that it'll dehydrate quicker. Because there weren't coarse salt so I had to use fine salt, else I could just wipe off the excess coarse salt. Oh well moment...

Anyway, it was one of those nights that I cried so much that I actually felt numb. I remember saying that I started to doubt if I could actually cook. When you started doubting yourself, you don't usually get the good out of it, I was feeling ultimately down and defeated right at that moment that all I could do was cry. I didn't bother reading up recipes or caring about the next challenge. I was tired. I prepared myself for the worst and I rid all of expectations of what will I be facing the next day. Zery left the competition and I did have the thought that HEY maybe I won't get eliminated because Zery withdrew himself but I didn't wanna get my hopes high. I remember crying on the way back to the house, I couldn't hold my tears. I pretended to "sleep" and just let the tears fall. It was heartbreaking if anyone seen it but I couldn't care less. I started crying when we were still shooting and I couldn't stop, I had a minor panic attack and hid under my work station because I was scared. I was scared shitless that all I could do was just cry and cry. I was not okay.

And when I reached home, took a rather long shower and just went to sleep right after. I didn't have the mood to write in my journal (I did keep a journal about challenges that we went through, things we did etc maybe I shall put it up here someday!). I didn't want to think about anything but just let my tired self rest, and be prepared.

I cried the hardest when I was in the kitchen, couldn't hold back, I could barely make a sound. Mostly cause I was having a slight panic attack and also cause I was having a mic with me. It was more of a cry of one's crushed dream, in the hopes of going far in the competition.

I remember the day before I was just talking to Brian about, why are we here, what are we doing here? Both of us have no expectations of winning the competition or whatsoever, it's more of for the experience, and get through every challenge with our group of close friends and just do our best and have fun. Our aim was to go as far as we could, and maybe my furthest is just being in one of the top 24. It all seem just so recent that it's still fresh in my memory that what we have gone through really seemed like something that happened just a few days ago.

The truth is I never expect myself to leave so early, and so I did not make ANY plans of what I want to do after coming out of the competition. It did, felt like a tight slap on the cheeks, for which it still aches when I think about it.

I remember coming back feeling all sorts of lost and was wandering around. Till today I have not recovered. I thought I am feeling better until they release the episode. And then I crash again. Remember my Korea trip? It was rather recent. I booked my tickets just 2 days before departure. My dad was being really nice to pay for the trip, maybe he thought I could use a vacation to clear my mind. It was good, and tiring. All I wanted to do was to sleep. Because when I rest I don't have to think about it. I was heartbroken, it hurt more than a broken heart because really, I fell, hard. I did not cook for almost a month, until one day I realize that my diet is out of control and I started cooking for myself again, then slowly I started baking again. Though only once but I'll start again soon. All these because I started doubting myself. I didn't want to cook because I'm tired of cooking. It's a cooking show, and all we did was chopping, cutting, cooking, heat all over and I was just exhausted. Tired from all of these. I was in denial.

I am so happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone to do something for myself, from sending in the applications just couple of hours before the closing date, to attending the auditions, making it to the top 40 and the top 24. Seeing my face in the opening credits feels great. They say your life only begins at the end of your comfort zone. It has taught me that, doing things that you never thought you could do can bring such great success, such satisfaction. An opportunity of a lifetime. This gap year that I'm taking ever since I graduated has never been better. My mom was actually really happy that I joined Masterchef and that it gave me time to think what I wanna do in my future. And I think I might have found it. I remember telling myself in the middle of 2011 that, this year is all about finding strength, to keep me moving on in my life, to find myself. And I did. I can finally see all the missing links coming together, as a whole, I might have not reach yet, but the puzzle pieces are starting to form this big picture.

I'm quoting so many people here that, they say "Seize the opportunity", I did. No regrets. No turning back. The only time I look back is the moments I had back in the kitchen, with all my friends, reminiscing the good and bad times, memories I had and the experiences I gained. Winning the competition wasn't my goal at all, but really RM100,000 is pretty attractive and a book deal and the fame and fortune that follows after. I'd be damned if I say I didn't wanna win. But more so the experiences that I'll be gaining. I don't think the RM100,000 can buy me all these because out of thousands of applicants, I'm chosen to be part of this, it is FRIGGING AMAZING to the core. Also I'll have a good story to tell people! Like HI my name is hui ting, yes THE Hui Ting in the first season of Masterchef Malaysia. :) I can be one of the alumni members in MCM ok, how cool is that :P:P

And one more thing, not sure if you all noticed but I had all these funky hairstyles during the show =P THANKS TO THE MAKEUP CREW!!! Love them =P I never thought I could sport the big top bun style but they manage to do it hehehehehe The makeup artist always liked to play with my hair and when I was eliminated she was one of the saddest ones because there won't be anyone's hair to play with anymore!!! So cuteeeee :DDDDD

Me getting serious at work. :)

Not sure if they are reading this, but to the production team, thank you so so so much for everything. There are so many things involved in this production and without them, there won't be Masterchef Malaysia. It hurts so bad when I read comment regarding the show sucks, editing suck yadda yadda. What do you know what we have been through? In my opinion, everything turned out just as what I was expecting, if not better. Nothing is perfect because perfection is when expectations are met. Just a big fat THANK YOU to all of those who are involved in this, especially our talent coordinators aka babysitter for bearing with my diva attitude (inside joke).

Don't worry, I will overcome this pain some day, in the pain, there is healing. I may be out, but with all the fans support (eh JOIN MY PAGE LEH!!! HERE!!) I'm sure I'll be able to do this. :) Watch out people, because some day a new cook will be burning up this town with some good food. ;)


ps: I think I'll still be sharing some of my challenges, my feeling/thoughts on challenges I went through. Because really I can never share enough of those! :P


Anonymous said...

oh dear. all i wanna do is just hug u.
big big hugs.
you wrote really well. superb. write more. you are super awesome! Cook On! you are your own masterchef!!!

Cielo said...

Oh my I actually cried when i read this (after your post-MCM thing) coz i'm one of your reader ever since forever and I'm so happy that you're in Masterchef! and just like you i didn't expect you to be out so soon too (plus, you sorta one of the faves among the mcm fans) so i thought .. hmm .. maybe not so soon. :)))

and hey i was telling my sis too that MCM really should bring you back coz zery left- who knew MCM would be like project runway US , they bring back those eliminated when someone voluntarily left the show. they really should hey!! oh well. :(

and guess what i even proudly tell my sister that oh i know hui ting ! she's my friend. wtf. like virtual friend. coz i sorta know you 'virtually' as mustardqueen. lol. that's why you instanstly become my fave. :)

don't worry hui ting ! you'll always have us; your fans! and it's growing now and i'm pretty sure it'll be 1K soon :)) and you really should be proud of yourself you start learning to (really) cook when you're in aussie right? i'm sorry if i'm wrong :p soo, imagine you just learn and you're in top 24! you beat the other thousands hey:)

i think then again it's a matter of luck :) i remembered watching Masterchef Australia season 2 last year. You somehow remind me of Marian, she was a good cook and everyone likes her unfortunately she got eliminated because of stupid satay sauce to someone not good as her ! - imo! felix somehow remind me of adam! LOL #random

all the best in the future! you sure be greaaat!

ps: just hope you will try to respond to our comments so we know that you read 'em. lol. just like #revelinme!! #vanillawhites used to do that too but somehow i find shee no longer 'practicing' it *sadface . lol

sorry for the long comments hey co oh well long post deserve a long comment. wtf. haha

stay ceria!!! xoxo

mustardqueen said...

anon: Awww virtual hug it is then *hugs back* U know I love bear hugs right right right??? :) Thank you!! I mean eventhough I'm eliminated but I think I'm a winner already, in my own heart or in my family's hearts. :) Will DEFINITELY continue cooking on. ;)

Cielo: NAWWWW Don't cryyyyy. U know my emotions when I was watching the episode after seeing what Brian, Azilah and Imelda's last pesanan to me I cried too.. I had to rewatch it to catch what they really said cause I was busy tearing wtf! I'm sure this came as a surprise to a lot of people and myself as well. Oh well, just not much of luck that day. And I don't wanna give myself too much expectations on bringing me back etc because who knows what might happen right? I'm content with what I have now. :)

hhaha I know at least there will be several hundred ppl who'll back me up aka my fans wtf!! Don't think I'm like Marion cause I didn't go as far as she did!!! But I think I know why you think Felix looks like Adam cause of the HAIR wtf!! hahahah damn funny!! Thank u so much for ur comment, really. I do read each and everyone of them (even the bad anon comments -_-) and reply. Just that some times we're too busy so there's late reply to comments. :) Long enough or not my reply? :P

erv said...

babe! no matter what. i'm proud of you.
i admire you for stepping out of your comfort zone, taking a gap year and found yourself. be strong,babe!

:))) lots of love. ervie. *bear hug!

Dc said...

Youre just out from the show, not something else, hope you enjoy and had fun. Take care, and the message will be deliver to the rest.
DC =)

Che Kay said...

hi mustardqueen~ walaupun mustardqueen sudah terkeluar, saya ucapkan tahniah sebab sekurang-kuranya mustardqueen berani mencuba berbanding dengan mereka di luar sana yang lebih selesa memberi segala komen dari sofa.apa-apa pun semoga mustardqueen terus bergembira dengan hidup ini. =)

Mei said...

You've done a great job just by stepping out your comfort zone! I think the process matters the most, it will shape you into a better person. Thanks for the inspiring post, all the best for your future :)

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