Sunday, February 26, 2012

Comfort Zone

I'm sorry I'm sorta having a weak moment right now. I'm feeling utterly useless right now. Or maybe for the past 1 year or so. I procrastinated, I found and gave excuses. I gave in. I am at the verge of giving up and I hated that. I hate feeling weak and useless. I seem all strong and positive but I'm the kind of person, once I'm in a comfort zone, it's harder than tearing a 3M mounting tape from a painted wooden door (if you try pulling it, the paint will chip, leaving a mark!)

This is my future I'm talking about. I'm always all talk no action sorta bullshit. I hate it. But I just can't bring myself to do it. My parents been bugging me to look for a job and I'm just not enthusiastic about it at all. I don't have the determination, the urge, the courage. :(

If you don't already know I'm interning with my sister right now while trying to look for a job. But I feel that, myself, to be very honest, it's just a nutshell that I'm hiding in. Sheltered. This whole comfort zone that I'm fabricating, I'm not sure what it is, but I feel that or maybe I think it's just my nature of being afraid of failing. I'm afraid of rejection. It's true, there will be more than just rejections in life, I need to learn to accept it.

It's not so much about courage to step out of my comfort zone, it's more of an initiative now. Courage can be found anywhere, anytime. Initiative too. Courage and Initiative, isn't it the same? Having courage to do something or face something, isn't it the same as having initiative to learn to do something and solve a problem when facing a problem?

So today, I had a "me" day. I didn't go anywhere (cept for the gym). Had my alone time, looking at the mirror while doing bicep curls. Deep thinking. Isolation. I took one of the longest showers, protein loaded (can of tuna, 3 egg whites omelette, 4 mini chicken fillet and an avocado!! siao). I took a really long nap. Did some work and finally I gave in. I took the initiative to FINALLY, properly look at job ads, like really writing a proper cover letter/email. I sent to not many, just a few, but it's a start. Initiate.

If only I have all the initiative in the world to do things that I want and love to do, I'd be fucking successful right now. *sigh*