Saturday, May 19, 2012

Mother of all disappointments

Shred?? What shred. I stopped at Day 5. I feel like I'm dying everyday. I mean I'm eating cleaner but my body, I don't know. I'll continue when I feel like it, but at the mean time I'm still doing weights etc. Like really, I don't know what this body wants, when will I ever, EVER get rid of my food baby, or at least half of it. It's like I'll never get a "miscarriage" for my food baby. 

Was dead tired yesterday, but I had this fruitful day of video editing, super yummy dinner with the parents and baking. I love baking. All the crazy prep, fiddling with my pink kitchen scale and oh, butter. The heavenly smell of butter, vanilla and cinnamon. I'd create a scent of this when I'm able to. It'll be named heaven. I can spend hours in the kitchen without a single word of complain, I love this place. Other than the gym, I can't think of any other place that I can find "solace" in. It's calming yet chaotic, such contradiction, just like me.


 picasion



breakfast. breakfast. breakfast. outfit. I'm more excited about the progress of my delts rather than my outfit. I'm getting these strong arms that, I learn to love more and more. Day by day I see it jiggle less, I believe one day it'll become this strong and lean limb, a part of me. Wishful thinking and hard work. :D I did deadrows of 25kg the other day, same as some muscle men at the gym #proud.


And don't you hate it when someone just occupies the machine/rack for the longest time? When I stare at you it wasn't cause you're hot or that I'm fascinated, simply because I'm eying on the rack cause I wanna do some squats yo. Like dude you've been squatting for the past 15 minutes and there are other people who wanna use the rack too yea? I know some times I'm like this but MAXIMUM time I'll occupy a machine is 5 minutes. Cause I only do 3 sets, circuit style. 

It's this big fat frustration that, I don't know when will REAL results come, I always keep telling myself that i'll get there I WILL GET THERE. BUT WHEN!???? How many squats will I have to do to get that bubble butt, and how many million crunches do I have to do?? How many days more of boiled chicken and veggies to a leaner body? I really shouldn't be so hard on myself, I do slack off some days and have a slice of cake, I really don't know when I can eat "normally" again. Define normal. Like eating mcdonald's when I have nothing to eat? Or like, eat 2 bowls of rice without batting an eyelash? Or having chicken and veggies? I don't know what normal is anymore. But it does feel good to not eat fast food for a long period. Is that normal? Am I crazy? I don't know anymore. 


Can someone enlighten me?

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I saw your picture at tongue in chic. It said you're from zalora. You work with zalora? I thought you're with azorias?

erin g. said...

I feel you when it comes to someone occupying the machine/rack for the longest time, just plain frustrating ;(

Anonymous said...

dont be so hard on yourself, in fact i thought you are much smaller and toned than before.

some times you have to let go of tension so that the rubberband wont snap. take a break off your intense training by training light for couple days before you pick up again.

Anonymous said...

dont be so hard on yourself, in fact i thought you are much smaller and toned than before.

some times you have to let go of tension so that the rubberband wont snap. take a break off your intense training by training light for couple days before you pick up again.

mustardqueen said...

anon: AHHH REALLY!? I didnt know they posted it already! I'll ask them to change it!!! Thanks for letting me know :)


erin: haih... and the worst thing is they can tell you "Oh I'm still using it" even after I ask how many sets do you have left, meaning he still has like 2028471819 sets more to go. So selfish!!!!


anon: I do feel a difference but I don't know why I always have the urge to binge eat. I control a lot better. Instead of depriving myself, I reward myself now. Like if I work really hard one day I'm allowed to have a bite of chocolate or a cup of iced latte etc. I'm training a lot lighter this week, partially cause of my lower backache. Thank you so much for this message!! :)

Rach said...

I SEE TWEETY!

Anonymous said...

awww babe! don't be so hard on yourself. it's indeed good to set goals in life, and clearly, nothing wrong in doing that but, we do what we can, and what's to the best of our abilities.

More than just losing or shredding away all the baby fats, it's important for you to feel healthier. If you do, you're already a step in front.

Keep going! i know you're a gallant fighter! :)

Anonymous said...

i don't think you can ever eat normally. i mean look at fay hokulani. she's like dieting everyday and working out everyday to maintain her body. if you want to diet for real, it's for life. i bet she doesn't have mcd when she's hungry. you're going to have to get used to clean food, forever.

Anonymous said...

Don't give up just yet!! I used to tell myself I will always be a little fat but after nearly a year since controlling my appetite and learning to love working out, I've managed to shed some weight! It may not be anything drastic but it's getting there slowly. Pace may be slow but you're on your way! Btw, your arms look fab in the pic! :)

mustardqueen said...

rach: HAHAHHAHA YAHHH!!!! Tweety is still with me :3 can't live without a day not drinking out something from it :P


anon: I feel good after workouts and eating healthier. And I feel like shit after i eat something unhealthy. I just don't like that I don't feel normal after maybe eating 3 cupcakes at one go (i mean who can right haha) and not feel like a whale after. And I'll tell myself I'll work it off. But that's not it. I'm trying to keep telling myself it's mind over matter 3 cupcakes won't turn me into a whale etc. Ah, it's a never ending cycle, but I'm trying to cope with it. And yes, you're so right, it's more on what we do best in our abilities, I just feel such a waste that I don't do anything to see what I can achieve. It's a life long journey, some will get there later, some earlier... :) thank you so much!!


anon: that's kinda... encouraging in a wrong way. I believe it's more on moderation. She eats clean as hell and work out like a beast, but she goes out partying too!! It's not just "fad diet" that you go thru 3 months and then give it up. I know it's a life long thing!! Yeap, I don't eat mcd when I'm hungry, instead I drag my ass to the kitchen and whip our something. I guess I wouldn't mind having clean food forever. It taste so much better ;P


anon: HOORAH for you!! :D Slowly but surely, that's the spirit. Why shed weight so quickly when you're gonna gain it back in the next month yea hahahaha and thank you, I workout HARD for my arms. I just want it to be more tone and lean!! :P

Rach said...

Tweety and I support you. I read somewhere that people who have a little bit of cake in the morning sustained their greater weight loss than people who had none. I think it is all about not depriving yourself but like you said, alot of moderation. And healthy eating!

Wendy said...

This might help you build muscles faster and lose weight. Pre and post exercise nutrition is very important to ensure you get the maximum benefit from your workout. This includes a carbohydrate and protein snack pre and post exercise (within a 30min-1hr time frame).
A snack that contains 10g of protein and 35g of carbohydrate is ideal. Eg: low fat yoghurt and fruit, cereal and milk, peanut butter and jam sandwich etc.
It is also important to spread out your protein intake throughout the day but anymore than 2g/kg body mass of protein per day does not build anymore muscle mass.

mustardqueen said...

rach: AHAHAHAH YESSSS Tweety has ALWAYS been supporting me LOL!!!! I try to incorporate some cupcakes in my morning cereal when I manage to bake some AHHAHA IT taste so so good!!! :P Yes been eating really healthy lately!! LOVE IT!!!


wendy: CAN U PLEASEEEE BE MY NUTRITIONIST hahahahahaha Yeap I've read on tumblr fitblogs that having pre and post workout meals are really good especially for recovery and for energy to prep you for the next workout!! I usually have a protein shake after weight training! And if I have time I'll have a peanut butter toast before working out! :D And wow, to actually eat like close to 150g of protein is quite a lot don't you think considering a can of tuna is only like... less than 30g of protein!! D:

t3ngt3ng said...

I want to go to the gym and work out together with you! Really admire your strong determination. I need some positive energy to hit the gym again. Give me some pls :(

Btw, you seriously have toned down so much. Keep it up!

mustardqueen said...

t3ngt3ng: hahaha COME WITH ME!!! I need more gym buddy!!! :) *channel energy to you* hahahahaha I dunno la maybe cause I see myself everyday I don't really see a difference.. But i know little efforts that I'm putting in are making small changes, bit by bit. :)

arius said...

keep fighting!
my friend took 1 year to loose 15 kgs.
with lotsa determination, sweat, healthy diet and some cheat days ;)

Anonymous said...

What app are you using for your photos?
It's so whimsically pretty.

mustardqueen said...

arius: :) It's all about dedication and a little rest days. Oh and moderation too! Help me congratulate your friend on the 15kg loss!! I know how it feels and how hard it is!! :D I mean what's the point of all these hard work if you cannot indulge once in a while yea?? :P


anon: meituxiuxiu! All in mandarin though. And I play around with filters in instagram after. :D