//One thing that I learnt through growing up is to be strong, emotionally. If you fell down, will crying help with healing or ease the pain? Often times, crying is to get the attention kids seek, and how we are taught by the society that, it is to show vulnerability. But really, we know how crying doesn't help with anything, so it's unnecessary. I remember when I was young, I hit my lips against a brick staircase and my lips just cracked really badly and bled non-stop. At the sight of my dad, I stopped crying. I held in the pain. As though nothing happened, with tears hidden in the pockets of my eyes. I was often (99.99% of the times) mistaken as being cold and heartless. To me, certain things, if it's not worthy of my tears, I shall not shed. Not sure how many times this wall will need to be broken, but really, I'm not heartless. What do I gain if I show vulnerability? Sympathy? Will sympathy get me through pain?
I am never good with words nor expressing my emotions. And because I don't know how to express them, I do it with actions. Just maybe some of my actions will get my messages to the ones I love.
Or maybe I just don't want to have my guard down. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling helpless. I know that I need to learn to accept, but this is really hard. Because I know I am stronger than what I actually am, I am beyond my capabilities.
Oh emotions, you're one stubborn motherfucker that I can never seem to control.